Goofy Snob Hotels: New York City
New York separates those who simply have money from those who know what to do with it. The city offers establishments where discretion costs more than the room rate and where the concierge knows your preferences before you arrive.
The Carlyle
The Carlyle remains the gold standard for those who understand that true luxury whispers rather than shouts. Bemelmans Bar has hosted everyone from presidents to Kennedys, and the Café Carlyle continues to attract performers who could fill Madison Square Garden but prefer an audience of two hundred. The suites overlook Central Park, and the staff remembers your name after a single visit. Rates start at $800 per night, but regulars know the tower suites offer the best views of the park.
The Mark
The Mark combines uptown elegance with downtown edge. Jacques Grange designed the interiors, and the result feels like staying in a particularly well-appointed Parisian apartment. The Mark Restaurant by Jean-Georges serves breakfast that justifies waking up early, and the rooftop bar offers views that make you forget you are paying $35 for a cocktail. The hotel attracts fashion week regulars and those who appreciate that the check-in process takes less than three minutes.
The Greenwich Hotel
Robert De Niro's Tribeca property proves that downtown can do luxury without trying too hard. The courtyard pool feels like a secret, and each room features unique furnishings collected from around the world. Locanda Verde downstairs serves Italian food that makes reservations difficult to secure. The hotel attracts those who prefer character over uniformity and who appreciate that no two rooms look alike.
The NoMad
The NoMad occupies a Beaux-Arts building that predates most of its neighbors. The library feels like it belongs in a private club, and the restaurant serves food that earned a Michelin star without apparent effort. The Elephant Bar attracts those who appreciate absinthe fountains and bartenders who remember your drink. Rooms feature high ceilings and windows that actually open, a rarity in modern New York hotels.
The Surrey
The Surrey sits on the Upper East Side, close enough to the Met to walk but far enough from the tourist crowds to maintain tranquility. The Cornelia Spa offers treatments that justify the prices, and the Bar Pleiades serves breakfast in surroundings that feel more Paris than Manhattan. Suites feature kitchens stocked by Dean & DeLuca, and the concierge can secure reservations at restaurants that claim to be fully booked.
Aman New York
The newest entry to the New York luxury market occupies the Crown Building at Fifth Avenue and 57th Street. Aman brought its Asian-inspired minimalism to Manhattan, creating spaces that feel more like private residences than hotel rooms. The spa spans three floors and offers treatments that last half a day. The jazz club in the basement attracts musicians who perform because they want to, not because they need to. Rooms start at $3,000 per night, effectively ensuring the guest list remains exclusive.
The Peninsula
The Peninsula brings Hong Kong hospitality to Fifth Avenue. The rooftop bar offers views of Central Park and the Manhattan skyline, and the spa features a pool with windows overlooking the city. The afternoon tea service in the Gotham Lounge maintains standards that would satisfy London purists. The hotel attracts those who appreciate that luxury can be both formal and welcoming.
The St. Regis
The St. Regis invented the Bloody Mary and continues to serve it at the King Cole Bar beneath Maxfield Parrish's mural. The hotel maintains traditions that other properties abandoned decades ago, including butler service that actually proves useful. The location on 55th Street and Fifth Avenue places guests within walking distance of everything that matters. Rooms feature crystal chandeliers and marble bathrooms that reflect an era when hotels competed on elegance rather than technology.
Eleven Howard
Soho's Eleven Howard attracts those who prefer Scandinavian minimalism to gilded excess. The restaurant serves Nordic-inspired cuisine, and the library stocks books you might actually want to read. The hotel occupies a former office building, and the conversion preserved the industrial bones while adding comforts that make extended stays pleasant. Rates remain surprisingly reasonable for the neighborhood, and the lack of a formal lobby keeps the atmosphere relaxed.
The Bowery Hotel
The Bowery Hotel looks like it has been there forever, despite opening in 2007. The lobby features velvet sofas and a fireplace that burns real wood, and the clientele includes those who remember when the Bowery was edgy rather than expensive. Rooms feature floor-to-ceiling windows and bathrooms with marble and brass fixtures. The rooftop bar offers views of downtown Manhattan and attracts those who appreciate that the best parties often happen by accident rather than design.